Thursday, March 22, 2012
Ann Memorial Video
Today 4 years ago we took you to the hospital and they told us you had a tumor. We were sad but happy you were at the hospital to get it fixed. But our Lord had other plans. Tomorrow was the day you stopped breathing and the next day you went home to Glory!! It is hard to believe you have been in Heaven for 4 years. You are greatly missed. But we know one day we will see you again when we take our last breath here on earth and you will be there to meet us! I love you my little sister!!
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
My dearest Ann, You never said I'm leaving. You never said goodbye. You were gone before I knew it, and only God knew why. A million times I needed you, a million times I cried. If love alone could have saved you,you never would have died. In life I loved you dearly, in death I love you still. In my heart you hold a place, that no one could ever fill. It broke my heart to lose you, but you didn't go alone for part of me went with you, the day God took you home.
I love you soo much and miss you greatly. See you in Heaven some day my little sister, Amy
Saturday, May 14, 2011
Miss My Sister
I cried and watched you pass away. Although I loved you dearly, I couldn't make you stay. A golden heart stopped beating, hard working hands at rest. God broke my heart to prove to me he only takes the best.
~ I miss you every minute of everyday! Sometimes I want so bad to tell you things and then I remember you are not here :(
March marked Your Heavenly Home of 3 years!! Cant wait for our Heavenly Reunion!!
I love you and miss you TONS my little sister!!
~ I miss you every minute of everyday! Sometimes I want so bad to tell you things and then I remember you are not here :(
March marked Your Heavenly Home of 3 years!! Cant wait for our Heavenly Reunion!!
I love you and miss you TONS my little sister!!
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
Horses
Ann loved horses even though she had been kicked off one, bit by one, her love for horses never changed. She has passed that love to her two nieces they both love horses very much
Monday, March 22, 2010
A Sister Bond -The Ending
The Ending
I miss Ann so much. I hurt for her. I am so happy for her. I am so thankful I had a little sister, Ann Marie. We had a wonderful time together and many memories that I will cherish.
People say it gets easier after the first year. The first year came. I’m still devastated missing her so much, crying a lot. I have accepted she is gone. I have forgiven myself for not doing more. I try not to dwell on the negative things but the positive we had and shared. I will always have a whole in my life without her. The second year was harder.
Her life and her death have changed me forever. There are no mountains without valleys; there can be no love without loss, and no joy without sorrow.
I choose Mountain Peaks –even though I will face valleys.
I choose Love –even though I will face loss.
I choose Joy –even though I will face sorrow.
I choose Life –even though I will face death.
I want to embrace each moment of life. Put my fingerprints on hearts, be an inspiration to my children, be a help to my husband, encourage the discouraged, and strengthen the grieving.
I miss Ann so much. I hurt for her. I am so happy for her. I am so thankful I had a little sister, Ann Marie. We had a wonderful time together and many memories that I will cherish.
People say it gets easier after the first year. The first year came. I’m still devastated missing her so much, crying a lot. I have accepted she is gone. I have forgiven myself for not doing more. I try not to dwell on the negative things but the positive we had and shared. I will always have a whole in my life without her. The second year was harder.
Her life and her death have changed me forever. There are no mountains without valleys; there can be no love without loss, and no joy without sorrow.
I choose Mountain Peaks –even though I will face valleys.
I choose Love –even though I will face loss.
I choose Joy –even though I will face sorrow.
I choose Life –even though I will face death.
I want to embrace each moment of life. Put my fingerprints on hearts, be an inspiration to my children, be a help to my husband, encourage the discouraged, and strengthen the grieving.
A Sister Bond -The Middle
The Middle
I got married in August of 2002, had my first daughter in December 2003. Ann and Joanna were so close they did so much together. Joanna called her, Nonny. Every Saturday we would go to yard sales, meet up with Ann for her lunch break, went on many family vacations together. Spent lots of time at Chuck E. Cheese together, I am so thankful for all the pencil sketch drawings we have throughout the years there. We all lived together.
Ann started work after college as a Church secretary and then as a Real Estate Agents secretary. She got married September of 2006 to Jesse.
Shattered
On Saturday, March 22 Ann started blacking out so we took her to the hospital, where they found a brain tumor. On Easter Sunday night she stopped breathing and had to be revived but in a coma. On March 24 she was pronounced brain dead which was my 29th birthday. Coincidentally in 2001 my cousin was killed in a car accident also on my birthday.
Loss
My hormones were crazy with being six months pregnant with my second daughter. I was sick the whole time up to this point. Getting the unforgetable phone call at 10 pm, “Come quick she stopped breathing and they are trying to revive her.” Adrenaline kicks in jump in the van call my aunt to talk to me while I drive there. The next 24 hours are a roller coaster of questions from Doctors and heart break. The hardest thing I have ever had to do was tell my precious parents my sister was in Heaven and we will no longer get to see her human body.
I instantly go into take care of everyone mode after this. I have dreams, nightmares, wishing this is not true. I have a huge emptiness, I feel so alone. I know I had the Lord, family, and friends. But our bond was so tight. I go through blaming myself, others, anger, and regret.
I have my first act of peace in what I call my closure dream. With being so pregnant the day I left Ann I kissed her told her I love her and would see her tomorrow, but I didn’t give her hug. Her rails were up and my stomach was to big. After she died I was losing sleep just sick with myself I didn’t get a hug from her. I dreamed I opened the door and there stood Ann, I tackled her with the biggest hug ever and the next morning. It was like I got my hug from her.
Grief
As a Christian I know God is in control of everything that happens. Ann favorite Bible verse was Romans 8:28, And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose. I also was comforted by Psalm 23:4, Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me. And II Corinthians 12:9, And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.
I also think it is ok to not be ok when you lose someone so close to you, this does not lesson your love for God but is part of grieving. There are so many stages I went through and going through: numbness, shock, anger, sadness, depression, fear, and acceptance. I went through a stage where you feel like a disease. People who use to call stop because in reality they didn’t know what to say to me. Go through thinking everyone is thinking something negative about you. Get hurt so easily by what people say but don’t let them know. Think your friends and families don’t like you just tolerate you. You receive so many phone calls and cards during the first few weeks upon tragedy. But I have learned through this that those are great steps of showing you care but a great need of phone calls or cards is about two months or later. When reality has sunk in and the pain of loss is great and depression is trying to take over.
I got married in August of 2002, had my first daughter in December 2003. Ann and Joanna were so close they did so much together. Joanna called her, Nonny. Every Saturday we would go to yard sales, meet up with Ann for her lunch break, went on many family vacations together. Spent lots of time at Chuck E. Cheese together, I am so thankful for all the pencil sketch drawings we have throughout the years there. We all lived together.
Ann started work after college as a Church secretary and then as a Real Estate Agents secretary. She got married September of 2006 to Jesse.
Shattered
On Saturday, March 22 Ann started blacking out so we took her to the hospital, where they found a brain tumor. On Easter Sunday night she stopped breathing and had to be revived but in a coma. On March 24 she was pronounced brain dead which was my 29th birthday. Coincidentally in 2001 my cousin was killed in a car accident also on my birthday.
Loss
My hormones were crazy with being six months pregnant with my second daughter. I was sick the whole time up to this point. Getting the unforgetable phone call at 10 pm, “Come quick she stopped breathing and they are trying to revive her.” Adrenaline kicks in jump in the van call my aunt to talk to me while I drive there. The next 24 hours are a roller coaster of questions from Doctors and heart break. The hardest thing I have ever had to do was tell my precious parents my sister was in Heaven and we will no longer get to see her human body.
I instantly go into take care of everyone mode after this. I have dreams, nightmares, wishing this is not true. I have a huge emptiness, I feel so alone. I know I had the Lord, family, and friends. But our bond was so tight. I go through blaming myself, others, anger, and regret.
I have my first act of peace in what I call my closure dream. With being so pregnant the day I left Ann I kissed her told her I love her and would see her tomorrow, but I didn’t give her hug. Her rails were up and my stomach was to big. After she died I was losing sleep just sick with myself I didn’t get a hug from her. I dreamed I opened the door and there stood Ann, I tackled her with the biggest hug ever and the next morning. It was like I got my hug from her.
Grief
As a Christian I know God is in control of everything that happens. Ann favorite Bible verse was Romans 8:28, And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose. I also was comforted by Psalm 23:4, Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me. And II Corinthians 12:9, And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.
I also think it is ok to not be ok when you lose someone so close to you, this does not lesson your love for God but is part of grieving. There are so many stages I went through and going through: numbness, shock, anger, sadness, depression, fear, and acceptance. I went through a stage where you feel like a disease. People who use to call stop because in reality they didn’t know what to say to me. Go through thinking everyone is thinking something negative about you. Get hurt so easily by what people say but don’t let them know. Think your friends and families don’t like you just tolerate you. You receive so many phone calls and cards during the first few weeks upon tragedy. But I have learned through this that those are great steps of showing you care but a great need of phone calls or cards is about two months or later. When reality has sunk in and the pain of loss is great and depression is trying to take over.
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